Let's Play 50 Questions!

Bob Elisberg over at HuffPo has fifty questions he'd like to ask Republicans. Though I dare not claim to be one, I tend to vote that way and thought I'd give the questions a whirl to pass some time.

1. What are the Top Seven best things that the Bush Administration has done? Here is where I should insert the top seven bad guys nabbed and killed as a result of the Administration's foreign policy, but I'll go with tax cuts, pushing for earmark reform, a rational border policy, pushing for private accounts, letting Congress lapse on the Brady Bill, Afghanistan, and Iraq. Not in that order, and it's unfortunate he only asked for seven.

2. Is the Iraq War is going well? It's all relative, but I'd argue that at least it's going and we haven't given up the fight.

3. After three years thus far, when do you think Iraq might be able to "stand up" so that America can "stand down"? When they do.

4. For his part in the event, how would you rate the job the President did protecting New Orleans from devastation? I'd give him a C. An average job. I'd rate him higher, but he should have vetoed the quick bill giving 60 billion to the victims.

5. How do you think the rebuilding of New Orleans is going? Don't know. Don't really care.

6. When Dick Cheney and the oil company and energy executives met in private to plan America's energy policy, how much of their goal was to benefit consumers? Wow, that's not a slanted question! But for fun, I'd say they didn't want to benefit the consumers. Following the meeting, Cheney turned into a bat and flew away.

7. Do you believe in the President's call for an Era of Personal Responsibility? I haven't heard of it, but I would definitely support people supporting themselves.

8. Since Republicans control the White House, Senate and House of Representatives, how personally responsible are they for conditions in America today? Just as much as the people who voted them into office.

9. Why do you think they haven't been able to find anyone who can verify that George Bush ever showed up for National Guard duty in Alabama? Because they're being held in a hanger in New Mexico with the passengers on flight United 91.

10. Would you want Donald Rumsfeld to plan your daughter's wedding? Nope.

11. Are you aware that no government in the history of civilization, other than the Bush Administration, has lowered taxes during a war? I know! Isn't that awesome! And the defecit is shrinking too!

12. Are you married? Happily.

13. Do you personally feel threatened by gay marriage? Nope.

14. Since getting elected, do you think the President has been more a uniter or a divider? Once again, it's all relative, but I'd say neither.

15. How do you explain the President's approval rating going from a high of 90% to the current mid-30%? People rally around their leader and nation in a crisis. And war.

16. Do you like the government collecting personal data on you without a warrant? I just hope they don't find the nude pictures of Jeff Gannon on my computer.

17. How much money do you have in your bank account, stocks and investments? Around 32,000.

18. What's your partner's favorite sex position? You'd have to ask him.

19. If you have nothing to hide, why aren't you answering? Ah, you got me. My entire argument is crumbling, crumbling, CRUMBLING!

20. Should we build a wall along the Mexican border? No, Communists build walls.

21. Why isn't anyone building a wall along the Canadian border? See above.

22. Does that terrorist gang arrested in Canada count as a threat? Sure does.

23. If you shot someone in the face while drinking, how fast would the police show up to arrest you? I'd hope it would be pretty fast. But, I'm glad I went out with a drink in my hand.

24. If Donald Rumsfeld had planned your daughter's wedding three years ago, would the guests still be there? A Navy Lieutenant advised a buddy of mine never to answer a question with a question, but, if John Kerry halted my daughter's wedding while she was walking to the alter, would the couple have been married?

25. Even if no laws are broken, do you think it's okay to reveal the name of a covert agent? No, if the person is truly covert.

26. During your lifetime, approximately how often have you changed your mind? Once, when I stopped hating America and started voting against Democrats.

27. Why shouldn't people dismiss you as a flip-flopper? Because I'm not trying to win an election that would place me in the most important position in the world (minus Bono).

28. Where do you think the Weapons of Mass Destruction might be? 20 bucks say some went to Syria.

29. Where do you think Osama bin Laden might be? On the Paki-Afghan border.

30. Is it fiscally responsible to cut taxes, increase spending and create a $9 trillion federal debt? Yes. No. Not really.

31. Are you glad liberals passed such programs as Social Security, Medicare, the Civil Rights Act, women's suffrage, federal deposit insurance, unemployment compensation, rural electrification, child labor laws, minimum wages and the 40-hour work week? Woah, woah, woah. Let's take this one at a time: At the time, yes, now no; No; Yes (however, the question misleading); Yes; Don't know; Nope; Yup; Nope; Nope. I hope that clears things up.

32. What are the Top Ten best things that conservatives have given to America? Ten? Ok. Personal responsibility, Bill Bennet, Christopher Hitchens, tax cuts, blogs, cell phones, open talk radio, border control, a defense to liberalism, and the pro-life movement. I wish I could go on.

33. If you were on life support, would you want a doctor you'd never met making a diagnosis about you via remote television? I wouldn't care if he's not making the decision. Would you want a judge making the decision?

34. Do you think man-made greenhouse gases have anything at all to do with depleting the ozone layer? As much as the hot air that emits from Al Gore.

35. If Donald Rumsfeld had planned your daughter's wedding three years ago, and guests were still there, how many factions would they now be split into? I'm ignoring this question on GP.

36. How good is it that the terrorist Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi was killed? If you're implying that it wasn't good, I'd love to hear your argument. I would say it's very good. Very very good.

37. Are you aware that in 2002 the Pentagon knew where al-Zarqawi was and presented three separate plans to kill him, but the Administration refused to act each time? Yup. Are you going to ask me about the numerous times the Clinton Administration had Osama in its grasp but failed to act or just bombed an aspirin factory? Thought not.

38. Is George W. Bush the kind of guy you'd want to sit down and have a beer with? No. He's an alcoholic.

39. When he started talking about being a Born Again Christian, would you want to stay or leave? Saying I would have a beer with him, I'd stay and hear his argument.

40. Is Ray Romano the kind of guy you'd want to sit down and have a beer with? Yeah, he's a funny guy.

41. Would you want him to be President? No. But I see where you're going. Once again: Ah! You got me! My argument is CRUMBLING!

42. Does the Administration have an environmental policy that benefits the environment? Nope. But since when is the environment more important than people?

43. Since George Bush campaigned for President strongly against nation building, in what ways are our actions in Iraq not nation building? It's nation building, plain and simple. Bush campaigned on that prior to Islamic radicals ramming planes into our buildings.

44. What's the maximum amount of time you'd want to spend alone with Dick Cheney? I'd probably get tired after about 16 hours. Do I get bathroom breaks?

45. After dismissing Saddam Hussein's old Iraqi army, was it a good idea to let them keep their rifles? It wasn't a good idea to disband the normal Iraqi army. The Baath Party, however was a good call.

46. Would a policy that allows torture be something that makes you proud as an American? Preach anti-torture, but practice otherwise.

47. Has the Mission been Accomplished? I'm sittin' here, ain't I? By the way, how many missions are there in a war?

48. Do you feel comforted that Dick Cheney is a heartbeat away from being President? This question bores me.

49. If Donald Rumsfeld had planned your daughter's wedding, and guests started fighting and were killed, would you expect to be allowed to view the caskets when they were returned home? Good lord, enough of the Rumsfeld questions. They're just not logical analogies.

50. How glad do you think George Bush is that he's no longer active in the National Guard? Seeing that he just hit 60 (forced retirement age) and he's a leader of a nation, I'd say he's pretty glad.