Soaking It In

It's just one of those moments when everything seems right in the world, for me at least. I finished up my lazy day at work with a game of Hold'em, at which I won my money back and enjoyed a Cuban Punch cigar. It's 99 degrees with a slight breeze. To my right hangs a gorgeous full moon silouetting a date palm tree. It's just one of those moments you sit back and enjoy what you have. Wi-Fi and soothing music are icing on the cake. My, how I have it good. Even with the mortar or IED that was detonated in the distance to my seven o'clock, everything just seems right. My buddy's right, I am a starry-eyed idealist.

I wish you could bottle experiences like this. They are all too infrequent.

Monday's Thoughts

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and the best thing that ever came from Al Franken was Stewart Smalley.

(Will fix links later)

The European Union has decided to allow employers to refuse to hire smokers. Good news, if you ask me. If I own a business, I should be able to hire and fire folk for the bettering of my business. For some reason, a few out there feel that businesses are a social construct and are not designed to make money for the employer.

It looks like Markos Moulitsas of the DailyKos is in for his first win! That's right, after years of supporting losing leftwing candidates, he finally picked a winner. Ned Lamont is steaming ahead by 10 points and it looks like George Bush, I mean Joe Lieberman, will be out on his tail come January. In all fairness, congratulations Lamont and Kos. I'm confused, though. After Ned brings home all the troops, what will he do in the Senate?

Floyd Landis, Tour de France winner, failed a second drug test. All of the other tests on the tour turned up clean, but on the day of the most greuling of the lengthy race, Mountain Day, his testosterone came up three times higher than his normal hormonal level. Sounds damning, but some are saying that it was just a fluke. I don't know, and don't really care. In fact, I'm sure I just put this little tidbit up to fill space and waste your time.

The nerds are getting anxious for tomorrow's Apple WWDC. The rumormills are speculating a feature set of the newest Leopard OS, Vista 2.0, a merging to Blue-Ray, and the announcement of the next iPod having WiFi. I don't see anything big for tomorrow, but come January's MacWorld Expo, the biggest announcements in a few years will boost the company's image past the current financial problems.

Bob Novak: Please stop speculating! In fact, stop writing. You're taking up space on Townhall that could be used by more talented writers.

I've got a few things to say about Mel.

Consider Me A "Born-Again Global Warmist"

Last week, Pat Robertson of the 700 Club finally gave credence to Global Warming. After much research and reading, I myself have converted from a disbeliever to a born-again Global Warmist. Below is an open letter to Global Warming explaining my conversion.

Dear Global Warming,

I would first like to apologize for spending the last few years not believing in you. My, how I was wrong. Please forgive me in my ignorance. It takes so much faith to believe in you, and I have finally found the arrogance to believe that I, as a Republican-voting conservative, have helped create you to destroy the earth.

My conversion came last week in Baghdad when I stepped outside to walk to the chow hall. The thermometer said 115 degrees. The news reports coming from the states said that a heat wave was taking its devastating course across the Midwest. Temperatures there were reaching 105 degrees. I pondered on the subject and thought I might be a little off. So, I began reading a little about you.

It came as a shock when I learned that you had spent some time up north melting ice caps and increasing the sea level around New York City, Louisiana, and Florida. It wasn’t until a few years ago that you snuck into the U.S. on a shipping container through the Dubai-managed ports. Now, you send waves of heat and death across our great nation. Rumors are also going around that you are planning to increase the Earth’s temperature by 5 degrees per year until Americans begin voting for Democrats.

It wasn’t always like this, as I’m sure you know. Your arch nemesis, Global Cooling, was all the rage in the 1970’s. Time Magazine reported that another Ice Age was around the corner because of pollution, smog, and Republican voting. Though, that didn’t last too long because since then, new science has come out that reflects a new liberal agenda – which I support. That crazy Time article laid out some “facts” that the “telltale signs [of Global Cooling were] everywhere.” They obviously weren’t ahead of the times (no pun intended, your Holiness) because just 32 years later, they appropriately blamed you. Come to find out, Global Cooling was just made up. You, however, are real – and now I believe.

Because I know you truly exist, I must now seek to destroy you. You have ravaged our planet, creating hurricanes, tornadoes, high temperatures, and melting icecaps. My plan to end your reign of terror is simple. I will begin by voting for Democrats, because none of their campaign funds come from oil companies – the most evil, profit-grabbing capitalists in the world. With Democrats in office, as opposed to Republicans, taxes will increase to fund new research for progressive fuels that don’t rely on burning oil to plunder our planet. They will also forbid more deities like you to sneak in through Bush-approved ports. My next step will be to forget all of the other science that doubts your existence. It takes a tremendous amount of faith to believe that you exist and that I have helped create you. Ignoring the junk science helps keep my head focused directly on you and your doubtless destruction. Finally, I will tell everyone I know to read Al Gore’s book An Inconvenient Truth. The great work of nonfiction is to Global Warming as the “Bible” is to Christianity.

Please take mercy on the nonbelievers because they have yet to be smitten by your outrageously high temperatures and yellow armpit stains.

Your truest believer,

Rich Vos

"Blowtorch Heat"

The Associated Press is reporting that the Midwest is getting hit hard by "blowtorch heat." Temperatures across the nation are reaching temperatures of 112 degrees. I'm definitely not seeking sympathy, however, those whining about the heatwave need to put their plight into perspective.

While it is 101 in St. Louis, Americans are free to wear shorts and tshirts. Meanwhile, in Baghdad, Marines, Sailors, Soldiers, and Airmen wear and carry the following while out on patrol in 115 degree heat:

Boots
Long socks
Pants (tucked into boots)
Tshirt
Longsleeve blouse
Body Armor (weighing 25-40 pounds)
Shooters Gloves
Combat Helmet (with chinstrap)
Goggles/Sunglasses
M9 Pistol/M16 Rifle/M249 SAW (sometimes two weapons)
Camelback with water
Earplugs
Ammunition

So, next time it's just too damn hot to walk down the block to the grocery store, think of those who are braving harsher elements. Relatively, your plight is not that bad. Enjoy your A/C.

Post-Vaca Wrap-Up

Down in Qatar, I had a heckuvatime, Brownie.

Ned Lamont, opposing candidate of Sen. Joe Lieberman, is gaining some serious margin-of-error running ground. The Connecticut businessman now has official support from The New York Times and a four percent lead over incumbant Lieberman. I liken Lamont to John Kerry. He's running on the opposition to the war and (most importantly) Ned Lamont is not George W. Bush (or the man who supports his foreign policy, Joe Lieberman). Like Kerry, Ned is a very rich man. His house has an estimated worth of 30 million dollars and his inhereted net worth is somewhere between 90 and 300 million dollars. (500 dollar haircuts, anyone?) I recall Democrats in a huff about Mayor Bloomberg using personal funds to "buy his way into office," but for some odd reason, they're silent when it comes to Lamont. I also wonder if Lamont favors campaign finance reform and a death tax the way his fellow Dems do...

Israel is letting me down. Their bite doesn't quite match their bark. It's been close to three weeks and they have yet to follow through on their promise to assassinate the Palestinian Prime Minister in response to kidnapping two Israeli soldiers. They have also neglected to utilize their top-of-the-line Mossad intelligence agency nor their Matsada special operations detatchment inside of Lebanon. (If they have, it has either been ineffective or not publicized.) Perhaps my expectations were too high. Considering the precision of their previous missions, I would have believed a brute show of force and special operations soldiers would have put to rest much of the Hezbollah leadership without the civilian casualties caused from artillery and ariel assaults.

A woman has died following a homemade liposuction gone terribly wrong. Had she the availability of publicly-funded healthcare, she wouldn't have to resort to back-alley liposuctions. Sen. Ted Kennedy plans to fight for women to have the right to free liposuctions because it is within their rights to alter their bodies as they please.

Global Warming refuses to release its grip on the Middle East. Friday's high in Baghdad is 117 degrees cooling to a low of 90 in the evening. Damn you, combustible engine!

I think I feel a little bad for the attacks on Mel Gibson. I neither positively nor negatively favor his acting or personality, but Hollywood seems to be going a bit far over a few remarks said after too many brews. I can recall some of the irresponsible things I've said and done on nights out with the guys. We all have our moments of drunken rages. Why lash out at Mel? It's not like he called for Israel to be wiped off the map.

Mitt Romney has apologized for using the term "tar baby" when comparing it to the Big Dig construction project in Massachusettes. Robert Sheer (flamboyant hater of the Bush Administration), on the podcast Left, Right, & Center commented that Bush was eager to hand off the Iraqi "tar baby" to the next president, be it Democrat or Republican. Is it too much to ask that Jack Cafferty be a little more niggardly in his disgust over such petty comments?